Doing the Right Thing: It's About Perspective

The high school I lead is always looking for ways to improve the climate so that students and staff alike have a positive, welcoming place to learn.  Creating such a place requires more effort on the part of those who are part of it than whatever group is creating initiatives.  Ideas don’t make change; action does.

We have entered the second half of the year now and with that comes added stress and a tendency to become increasingly hyper-focused on what we want to do and how every encounter we have impacts our world.   Instead, if we all want to have a more positive experience we have to adjust our focus.  Instead of it being on us, it needs to be on those around us.  Consider the following:

Integrity:  What we do when we know that nobody is watching.  Or in school terms…when we know we aren’t being graded or evaluated.

That phrase often adorns the walls of classrooms and is repeated by people who insist that character and integrity are the cornerstones of a positive climate and culture. What isn’t discussed is one of the concrete requirements of being able to exhibit and practice these qualities.  The willingness and ability to consider what others may be thinking or experiencing.  It sounds counter intuitive but it really isn’t. It’s more about changing your perspective. Want to improve your experience?  Think about those around you and begin by helping to improve theirs.

Check out this short video for an example.  I’m sure we can all find an example of ourselves within it…I know I did.

Give it a try and remember; Be Purposeful, Act With Integrity, and Build Your Character.

Take the Small Steps

There were quite a few reasons for this post, but it really hit me when I started discussing students and setting goals at the middle of the year.  We all set goals, but how many of us attain them? More importantly, how many students even understand how to go after their goal once it has been written down?   This post focuses (in short order for brevity’s sake) on that piece.  It is meant to shed some light on succeeding by not focusing on the end result, but instead the small behaviors that get us there. 

Consider the following statement.

Consistently taking the small common actions is what leads to uncommon, incredible results.

How many times have we heard this phrase, thought it made sense, and started to follow it only to stray from the consistent aspect, not achieve greatness, and then discount the saying?  There is only one way to realize success (in any area) at a level that will surprise even ourselves.  We must be purposeful and practice mental toughness and character.

We have all heard of the idea of setting goals and that they are essential to anyone’s success.  Unfortunately, that message is often not understood by many people due to the counter intuitiveness it takes to be successful at attaining those goals.  It essentially comes down to the following:  You achieve your goals by not focusing on them. Rather, you realize long-term success by focusing on the small incremental behaviors that move you toward your goal.

Wait…how do you achieve something by not focusing on it?  It has to do with character, mental toughness, and perspective.

Sooner or later, anyone who has tried to accomplish something in life realizes the most important aspect; control.  There are people who will tell you that you must take control of your life to be successful, while others quickly retort that too many things are out of your control so it is useless and success comes more from luck than control.  I assert it that the former is unrealistic and the latter is all about excuses.

If you set a goal and then try to control every part you will fail.  The true road to success is to focus on the smaller aspects that you actually have control over.  What I’m talking about are your behaviors.  I will keep the example to academics, but this system works for any area of your life.

Academics – We usually (unfortunately, too often) measure academic success by grades.  So we tell our students to set goals to address what grade they are receiving.  That’s good; however it’s more important to realize what part of that goal to focus on so that it is manageable, attainable, and long lasting.  There are many factors that go into grades (most people know this) that are not entirely in the student’s control.  So the idea that they will reach their goal is unlikely; resulting in another failure and the deep down belief that they will not be successful no matter what goal is set.  Instead, students should focus on the behaviors that they have complete control over; their own.  What behaviors typically produce good grades? They must:

·         Complete homework

·         Participate in class

·         Study on their own

·         Stay for extra help

These behaviors alone will not help unless they are done consistently and become habits.  If students focus on setting a schedule they will keep and then practice it consistently no matter what temptations (mental toughness) or hardships (character) get in the way, they will reap the benefits of the behaviors (better grades) without focusing on them.

Perspective

We become what we view as our reality.  Students (and adults) who set a vague goal often do so for one of two reasons.  First, they may not understand how to set goals.  Second (the darker side of this) is that a vague goal is easier to excuse if we fail.  Whenever someone approaches (or sets) a goal with the idea that they will probably fail anyway is going to want some wiggle room to make excuses. Hello vagueness.  If the focus is on small behaviors that we can check and succeed at each week; success follows due to the pride and self-confidence built up in the behaviors that become habits.

Mental Toughness

There will be temptation and distractions that are followed by failure unless there is commitment.  Changing behaviors is not easy and it takes the ability to identify the behavior that needs to change or start, create the plan to do it, ignore the temptations, and follow through.

Character

We all need to learn how to fail.  I could say the famous “fall down seven times and get up eight”, but really…who hasn’t heard that and still done the opposite?  I have come to understand that getting up is great, but learning each time you fall is the only way to keep from falling again.  Every little failure (missing that one homework out of 5 this week) is an opportunity to recommit and grow.  When you fail at something you are given two choices; quit or carry on.  Think about all those resolutions about weight loss that are made each year.  People eat better and exercise for a month, don’t hit the goal they set, and instead of realizing the progress they have made quit the behaviors that will help them realize long lasting success. It’s not that character counts rather, character is the only thing that counts.  It is only strengthened through adversity, because improving ourselves never gets easier; it’s just that we get stronger character.

In the end, be purposeful. Focus on the small steps and stick to what you want by avoiding temptation and facing adversity.  Don’t think about the end.  Think about teach step and as you accomplish it, count it as a victory. Long lasting success isn’t attained with one fell swoop.  It is reached through incremental change over time. 

Work Now; Succeed Later

The impetus for this post comes from my oldest son (again) and his current fascination and drive to play football.  I wrote it a while ago, but never published it.  As his football season is progressing and he (#93) was selected to do the coin toss the other night, another story with him made me go back and reconsider, but that is for another time.  The original writing of it follows…

He has been running for the 4 weeks leading up to summer camp.  I would be dishonest if I did not say that some days were much harder than others and required a lot of motivation (and patience) on my part.  He is after all eight and constantly bombarded by the instant gratification (contrary to me and my wife’s constant battle in the opposite direction) around him.

How often in today’s society, especially education do we not only notice, but encourage the notion of instant gratification.  Kids expect their grades to be instantly raised if they do some homework; parents rush to lessen consequences for a discipline issue or bad grade.  Many times students are rewarded for mediocre performance because “we don’t want them to feel bad or left out”.

They give out performance trophies after each day in camp.  These are not the attendance type trophies so wonderfully stood up against by James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers.  It is announced at the beginning that they are for superior performance and that they hope to give it to the same players every day if it’s deserved.  I cannot explain how bad my son wants one.  I waited for the fallout when his name was passed over every day and then at the end when they gave the overall trophies.  We walked to the car in relative silence.  After removing his pads and getting in, my son looked at me and said; “I was really close today daddy.  Maybe if I keep working I will get one next year.”  I stared at this little boy trying so hard to be older (wait; grown up) than he is and while suppressing any sadness I had for him having come up short, began to smile at something much more valuable.  He was beginning to understand the value and long term success of hard work. In education the popular tag for this right now is “failing forward.” As more conversation occurred, it became clear that he had somewhat of an idea of where he fell short and what he has to do to get better next year.  Consider that life lesson learned; or at least well on his way to learning it.

Working hard to achieve a goal often isn’t a short term endeavor. Rather, it is a drawn out process that when successful, is a greater accomplishment than originally planned.  Would I have liked him to receive a trophy because I personally know how hard he has worked? Absolutely, but it makes me 100 times more satisfied; no proud, to see that he is beginning to understand the value of hard work for the sake of personal gain further down the road.

While I continue to learn from my sons on a daily basis, I continually look for ways to help them and other students realize that success in life has little to do with luck, being in the right place at the right time, or something that someone else can give you.  Rather, it comes from perseverance, hard work, and determination.  If you do not encounter obstacles on your journey with which you must struggle, you are not growing to your potential.  Any sports, academic, or military program only reaches a level of success equal to the toughest obstacle they needed to overcome.  If the willingness to push forward is never tested or even worse; absent, we will never withstand true resistance when it is most needed. Success comes from the ability to get to the other side of adversity…even when you don’t get a trophy for getting there.