The thinking for this post was
generated by a recent conference I attended that was jointly hosted between the
Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and the Canton Police Department. While the topic was broad in scope (Strategies
to Counter Violent Extremism at the High School Level) I found that when
coupled with some recent literature, there was a very actionable message. Responsible
use of social media is a huge topic with multiple online resources, so please
understand that I aim to only address a sliver here.
The Premise
Our students have almost unlimited
access to the internet. This isn’t 50
years ago when parents could shield their kids from certain sights, behaviors,
or activities. Even more recent it was a
matter of kids being able to find (and do) anything they wanted if they had the
desire. Almost a “where there’s a will”
type of thing. Present day is even
trickier. Students will be exposed or introduced to many more things than we
think appropriate or thought possible; whether they want to be or not. That
is not a comforting thought even though there is a very effective method for
combatting this issue. We have just
drifted from it. I placed it into the
title. There is nothing wrong with
connecting to the world of social media; as long as we never disconnect from
our friends and family. Our kids cannot be shielded from the experiences the
world will give them. Therefore, it is our responsibility to teach them
how to make proper decisions based on good character, integrity, and the ability
to recognize both good and bad consequences.
So What?
There are three major pieces adults
must keep in mind when attempting to control a student’s online activity. They are all based around the idea that
struggling for control is like squeezing a piece of ice; the harder you grip,
the less likely you are to hold on. In
the end, keeping students safe depends on trust that is only built through
fluid and ongoing communication and expectations.
Communicate
o
The
Journal of the American Medical Association published a study in September that
highlighted a direct link between families eating dinner together and a
decrease in a multitude of negative behaviors in children such as depression,
drug use, cyberbullying, and fighting just to name a few. You may have seen some of the advertising
campaign on television. It is due to the
uninterrupted conversation that goes on during dinner.
o
Be
patient, positive, and supportive. We
all remember when we thought every viewpoint and decision of an adult was
completely ridiculous and stifling of our important social life. Take
the time to listen and fully explore, model, and explain the pros and cons of
various issues that students will encounter. Your student’s perspective may shock or
surprise you. It is important to not
overreact, but seek to understand where their belief comes from and then be
firm in your response.
Expectations
o
Create
a contract with clear boundaries and consequences for violating those rules. Students like structure no matter how much
they tend to complain about it. There is
a feeling of safety in knowing what is “ok” or not “ok” when it comes to
behavior. A clear set of guidelines helps make difficult decisions easier for
individuals not prepared to handle certain situations.
o
Remember
that we are not our students’ friends.
We are the adults and while students need to be given plenty of room for
mistakes if they are to grow, they also need to be kept “in bounds” so that
they do not get into serious trouble while experiencing life. In
short, it’s not that we know better, but we do.
Trust
o
You will never be effective in
protecting your student if there is not a strong sense of trust between you.
This does not mean blindly believing everything your student reports (or
doesn’t) to you. It is akin to Ronald
Reagan’s statement; “Trust, but verify.”
o
If
your student begins to trust you with the small things, they will eventually
trust you with everything. Make sure you give them that opportunity by
believing in them and their inherent ability to fall down, be scared, and worry
about not living up to your expectations. Personally, I tell my kids two things. Only act in a way that they wouldn’t care if
I heard about and that I will always love them unconditionally; no matter what
they do. So far, they feel safe enough
to tell me everything. I haven’t had to
deal with the lying even though I have handed out plenty of consequences. They know they can tell me anything because
while I may not like the act; I will always be there for them.
Now What?
o
Schedule
dinners or long car rides with your kids.
o
Always,
without fail, listen to them because it’s important.
o
Continuously
tell kids three things: I love you, I’m proud of you, and I trust you.
o
Communicate
openly and honestly with integrity and hold an expectation of the same in
return.
Ultimately it’s about helping your
student create a mindset that allows them to make responsible decisions. This
doesn’t come from fear or you being the boss, rather from time taken to build a
better relationship based on communication, trust, and understanding. Remember that we can pretty much handle any
problem we know about. It’s the ones we
don’t (or ignore) that are responsible for long term, often times irreversible
damage to ourselves and others.
