This week’s character trait at Seekonk
High School is Gracious.
Each week as new traits are announced, I
cannot help but wonder three things.
First, is this working? Second, how can I get it to work better? Finally, if all these traits are connected, am
I approaching it the wrong way by singling them out? As I was looking through material to jog my
mind for this post, I thought about the relationships between traits along with
the idea that I have been telling students to try small things. I have promised that these in turn will
become larger. What I haven’t promised
is that they are not alone in this endeavor and that affects their poise. Audrey Hepburn said it best when she
explained that walking “with the knowledge that you are never alone” builds
poise. So now I believe I must change my
focus to one of togetherness if this challenge is to make the difference of
which it is capable. So, without further
ado…
Vocabulary.com
defines gracious as, "kind,
courteous, and compassionate." The
site goes on to explain that “Gracious descends from the Latin word for good
will.” I find that the definition or
etymology of this word is not the issue.
The problem lies in the
application of this trait in a socially contextualized high school setting.
Kind
Mark Twain made an excellent point when
he said; “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can
see.” When you are kind to anyone in a
high school setting (or at any level for that matter) everyone sees it and in
at least some small way, reacts to it.
It gives pause. The greater the
act, the greater the pause. No matter if it is a smile or inward
thought by an uninvolved witness or a comment/helping hand by someone who
wishes to be more involved; people notice and therefore share a moment. The person responsible could never be alone
in such a situation. So take the time to
build community by creating that connection.
If you question whether or not it is a good time to act, pay heed to the
words of Ralph Waldo Emerson. He said; “You
cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
Courteous
Being courteous is usually referred to
as having manners; however that sometimes gets lost in translation. Many of us instantly think of those
“old-fashioned” formal shows of politeness.
What is more meaningful and capable of being adopted is the idea of
thoughtfulness. The sincerity found in a quick thank you that expresses a certain level
of gratitude that sets the stage for a successful, interpersonal interaction
both at that moment and in the future is one such display. We can all exercise this trait if we
regularly considerate and responsive to people’s current situations. It is important to acknowledge that people
exist in their own, personal experience that is no more or less important than
ours based upon how we perceive them at that moment. Once we treat someone with respect and
dignity, we are instantaneously part of a larger interaction that has an
unknown lasting effect.
Compassionate
While
compassion usually comes easy on the heels of kind and courteous behavior, it
is not always automatic with students. Based upon the idea of wanting to be part of
a larger crowd and an inherent (developmentally speaking) uncertainty of who
they are, students (according to Brene Brown) have difficulty practicing
“compassion when they are struggling with their own authenticity.” Therein lies the problem when it comes to
consistently displaying compassion. Karen
Armstrong notes, “Compassion is a practically acquired knowledge….” This part of
the larger trait (gracious) may well be the most important and difficult. For any of us to practice, it takes a moment of thought before
responding in an attempt to assess the larger picture to determine how we may
be a better version of ourselves; even if just for a moment.
Practically
Speaking
This is all well and good theoretically
speaking, but how do we begin? Where do
we start so that students:
·
notice they are
not alone in attempting to improve the culture by working on their character;
·
understand that
by recognizing other peoples perspectives they become to know themselves; and
·
start with small
steps that truly make a difference?
To
further develop the ability to be gracious, we should all try these:
- Put yourself
in other peoples’ positions to help understand the foundations of their
beliefs and actions.
- Do what you
can to help others. Everyone’s
journey is different and we all need support from time to time.
- Do not make
light or humor of other peoples misfortunes.
- Respond (do not react) to your own mistakes with humor.
Remember, it is usually difficult to be
gracious. It takes a certain level of
comfort with oneself to consistently act in this manner. That is why it is important to support and
point out the act whenever we see it.
Students realizing that being gracious is the right way to act is only
the first step. Supporting it so that we
all act in that manner should be the goal.
Even as adults we find it easier to act when in numbers, imagine the
impact for students.
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