When Resilience Runs Its Course

The impetus for this blog was an experience I just had with my youngest son at Cub Scout camp. It was a poignant lesson for me in the importance of reflection when we talk about resilience.  The whole grit movement is great. Finally something I heartily believe in, but was never able to quite articulate has been receiving its proper credit.  Additionally, I firmly believe grit, mental toughness, character, resilience, or whatever you label those qualities that allow us to succeed in the face difficulty because they are what have helped me succeed.  So naturally, I impart these lessons to my sons.  This is where this post begins.

Background

One of the activities they do is a BMX bike ride on a dirt path.  There are few rules with the exception of take turns so that all get some time on the bikes.  The kids grab any bike they can get on and any helmet that fits.  There are some hills, turns, and shortcuts as the boys get a taste of that freedom born from controlling the bike along the path. My son has just started riding his bike at home.  He is six and sticks to the relatively flat pavement on his own Ninja Turtles bike.  It’s a little different than this experience.  Nevertheless he grabbed a bike and asked me to push so he could jump on and start peddling.  I felt proud as he raced down the first stretch.  My job was to go to the far turn to offer any help for the kids. I had just arrived when I saw Scott come around the corner and crash his bike.  He had started to go off the road and overcorrected; causing the handlebars to turn completely sideways.  The end result was the bike tipping forward to land on Scott. He has crashed his bike before and gotten right back up, so I was not very worried.  Then the other four bikes came around the corner and ran into and over Scott and his bike. I helped all those involved back to their bikes and the riding continued; including Scott who was in need of some Band-Aids when he decided to stop.

Resilience

This scene (minus the running over) replayed itself a total of 12 times by the end of Scott’s turn!  I wish I could say I didn’t cringe each time it happened, but knew it was my duty as his parent to pick him up, brush him off, and tell him to get back on the bike.  In all honesty, the last four times I asked him if he still wanted to get back on the bike.  I tried to figure out what the problem was, but all I could see was the overcorrection leading to a crash.  At about the sixth crash, Scott looked up at me with tears streaming down his dirt caked face and kept repeating, “Daddy, I’m not doing anything wrong and I keep crashing. It’s not fair.”  My reply was that he must be doing something, but we just don’t know what it is so we had to figure it out. After his last crash, knowing time was almost up (and my heart breaking just a little), I asked Scott if he just wanted to call it a day and walk the bike back.  This time his answer was different. He wiped the tears away and said, “I got it. The wheel turns too easy and too far.” Looking at him and thinking of how proud I was because of his resilience I replied; “You fell a lot.  You got one more try in you?”  He looked at me and said; “I got it Daddy. I got it. Can you give me a push?” I watched him as his back left my hand and he took on the small hills. I watched him as he rode all the way to the end of the course, got of his bike, did a fist pump, and gave me a “thumbs up” with a big, dirty smile.

Take Away

I learned a big lesson that day courtesy of my son.  How often can we as adults ask children to keep getting up if there is no solution to their struggle?  Should they keep getting up? Absolutely!  But, how often can they continue to follow that age old saying that is indicative of success; fall down seven times, get up eight.  Our children are constantly surrounded by a society that offers instant gratification by ensuring the easy road is always open.  Couple that with a growing sense of moral relativism and we are crippling our children by not teaching them to endure hardship not for the sake of enduring, rather for the sake of learning a better way.  Endurance or resilience is only as good as the education or reflection that allows a person to learn ffrom the experience.  Every one of us can only be resilient for so long before breaking.  The trick is to reflect on the problem and adjust our approach before that moment arises because once a person has quit they very rarely have any meaningful reflection.  It becomes excuses for failure rather than ways to succeed the next time.

As the adults and educators it is our duty to stress that reflection piece.  That comes in letting our children and students experience failure as long as we continue to guide them through the process.  That is not to say we should take the sting out of the failure, but instead encourage children to keep pushing through as they question what is occurring and how to make it better.  Trust me, I wanted to make it better for my son as he struggled.  I even caved after the last crash, but in the end it was my son who taught me.  Next time, maybe I will help him continue his struggle and focus more on the reflection.  It is hard when we are personally attached to the situation, but as we all know; resilience is key and a major indicator of long-term success no matter the odds.

It Comes Down To This

As they grow older, I want my sons, when confronted with the question; “Why do you always take the harder of two roads?” to answer; “Why do you always assume I see two roads?” If we really want to teach resilience we need to confront the urge to take the path of least resistance.  That is only done by focusing on the bigger picture; being purposeful, acting with integrity, and building character.

Another Year Has Passed

This was originally a post on Facebook and Google+, but multiple people have urged me to put it on my blog.  This worked for me because a short post such as this is better than no post because I have been so busy closing out this year.

So in line with less typing, more posting...

To all those educators out there...Thank you for everything you do. Another school year has passed and you have affected so many students. The hours you put in planning, correcting, guiding, modeling, and teaching so much more than just curriculum pays in ways you can only hope to see later down the road in life.

Your "job" is exhausting because it is so important. Educators are the most important members of any society. They are the ones who impart valuable knowledge and skills, offer a stable environment for students who have nowhere else, and help students believe in themselves.

Educators not only light the fire within students, but fan the flame and care for it so that it may continue to grow as time passes. Educators literally hold the future of individual human beings in their hands. They have the power to build confidence or destroy it; instill curiosity or downplay it; and continue a love for learning or extinguish that flame.

I have met the spectrum of educators, but have been blessed enough to know and realize that almost all of them care so much that they work extremely hard to instill the passion of education into the lives of children so that it is inscribed in their hearts forever. They often do this at the expense of their own health and loved ones because they realize the enormity of their task and relish in the successful application of their practice. Your influence is enormous and rings through the generations.

This video brought it home for me; made it concrete.  Please take the time to listen to the words. Every one of us has that child inside; the one who is anxious to learn, experience, and grow.  But that child needs the guidance of someone to explain that everything is going to be alright.  Educators are those people.

Continue to find that child in every student you lead. Continue to influence future generations.  Continue to do what you do best…teach.

Thank you for another year.

Snowflakes and Herring

Achievement in life isn’t about opportunity and luck; but rather force and commitment born of and wielded by strong character.

The inspiration for this piece came from two different things my six year old son Scott told me. If you are a regular reader you may be able to tell that I believe in the value of individuals and their potential from my posts. You would also know my thoughts on character. The great thing is that it took one of my sons to bring it home to me as only the perspective of a child often can.

It was a cold day this winter when my son said to me from the backseat; "Dad, it's snowing again."

"Really?"

In his excited I need to share something with you voice he said; “Daddy, can I tell you something?”

“You can tell me anything.”

“People are snowflakes. You wanna know why?” He asked with a tone that told me I was sure to get his explanation no matter my reply.

“Why buddy?”

“Because they’re all different, but special just like snowflakes.”

I thought about that for quite a while, but the amount of snow we received this year coupled with an old saying about making a difference really drove home how true that statement was and how powerful it becomes when we as individuals, believe and act in accordance with it.  Snowflakes, tiny and wonderful in their uniqueness as individuals can comprise some of the greatest forces in nature.  When put together, they can:

·         Create a beautiful scene to behold,

·         foster an exciting afternoon of fun, or

·         cause major accidents and damage.

Much like human beings, their power lies within, but is amplified when collaborating with and serving others.  In contrast, the aspect that separates them from human beings is their lack of ability to decide the outcome.  People have the potential to be infinitely powerful, but also decide the positive and/or negative consequences of that power.  Therein lays the importance of purpose, integrity and character.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when my son was talking to me about our visit to the herring run.  We had gone to see the thousands of fish swimming up the fish ladder to get to their pond for laying eggs.  On our way home we purchased (and later that night read) a book that was geared toward children with its simple sentences and colorful maps of the area.  This was a normal series of events for us that I didn’t give much thought until a few days later when my son was talking about how he liked going to the herring run.  He asked me if I knew what it was about.  I (of course) began to explain why they swim up river when he stopped me and said that it was about love. When I asked him what he meant, Scott (my son) explained (in very similar terms) the following:

The herring go through all that work out of love for their kids that aren’t even born yet. They escape bigger fish, they swim against the current the whole way, they jump up a ladder, and some of them die just so they can keep their kids safe. That’s because they love them, but they don’t even get to see them. They just make sure they’re safe.

How often in life do we do things out of love?  Love in its purest form is a commitment.  It comes in many forms. Commitments to our children, jobs, ourselves, people around us, and hopefully…our character.

Character helps us face the forces we encounter whether they are good or bad; right or wrong.  No matter what our goal: athletic performance, academic excellence, career advancement, or enriching other people’s lives; we experience many forces both negative and positive.  It is out of commitment that we move forward.  Most importantly our character above all else is about the marriage of force and commitment enacted with integrity.

How is it that:

·         my six year old can explain this so simply by watching snowflakes and herring,

·         I can explain it by writing it,

·         but to walk this path consistently on a day to day basis seems a battle that is it times beyond me

So think:
What are you committed to? Does your character allow you to push your way through all the forces you encounter along the way to fulfilling that commitment. Do you temper the force you use with your integrity?  How can you get better?

The End Result:

We must all make a commitment to act with integrity and use or resist any forces possible to improve not only ourselves, but those around us so that we may experience true success!

As always…

Be Purposeful, Act with Integrity, and Build your Character