There were
quite a few reasons for this post, but it really hit me when I started
discussing students and setting goals at the middle of the year. We all set goals, but how many of us attain
them? More importantly, how many students even understand how to go after their
goal once it has been written down?
This post focuses (in short order for brevity’s sake) on that piece. It is meant to shed some light on succeeding
by not focusing on the end result, but instead the small behaviors that get us
there.
Consider the
following statement.
Consistently
taking the small common actions is what leads to uncommon, incredible results.
How many
times have we heard this phrase, thought it made sense, and started to follow
it only to stray from the consistent aspect, not achieve greatness, and then
discount the saying? There is
only one way to realize success (in any area) at a level that will surprise
even ourselves. We must be purposeful
and practice mental toughness and character.
We have all
heard of the idea of setting goals and that they are essential to anyone’s
success. Unfortunately, that message is
often not understood by many people due to the counter intuitiveness it takes
to be successful at attaining those goals.
It essentially comes down to the following: You achieve
your goals by not focusing on them. Rather, you realize long-term success by focusing
on the small incremental behaviors that move you toward your goal.
Wait…how do
you achieve something by not focusing on it?
It has to do with character, mental toughness, and perspective.
Sooner or
later, anyone who has tried to accomplish something in life realizes the most
important aspect; control. There are
people who will tell you that you must take control of your life to be
successful, while others quickly retort that too many things are out of your
control so it is useless and success comes more from luck than control. I assert it that the former is unrealistic
and the latter is all about excuses.
If you set a
goal and then try to control every part you will fail. The true road to success is to focus on the
smaller aspects that you actually have control over. What I’m talking about are your
behaviors. I will keep the example to
academics, but this system works for any area of your life.
Academics –
We usually (unfortunately, too often) measure academic success by grades. So we tell our students to set goals to address
what grade they are receiving. That’s good;
however it’s more important to realize what part of that goal to focus on so
that it is manageable, attainable, and long lasting. There are many factors that go into grades
(most people know this) that are not entirely in the student’s control. So the idea that they will reach their goal
is unlikely; resulting in another failure and the deep down belief that they
will not be successful no matter what goal is set. Instead, students should focus on the
behaviors that they have complete control over; their own. What behaviors typically produce good grades?
They must:
·
Complete
homework
·
Participate
in class
·
Study
on their own
·
Stay
for extra help
These behaviors
alone will not help unless they are done consistently and become habits. If students focus on setting a schedule they
will keep and then practice it consistently no matter what temptations (mental
toughness) or hardships (character) get in the way, they will reap the benefits
of the behaviors (better grades) without focusing on them.
Perspective
We become
what we view as our reality. Students
(and adults) who set a vague goal often do so for one of two reasons. First, they may not understand how to set
goals. Second (the darker side of this)
is that a vague goal is easier to excuse if we fail. Whenever someone approaches (or sets) a goal
with the idea that they will probably fail anyway is going to want some wiggle
room to make excuses. Hello vagueness.
If the focus is on small behaviors that we can check and succeed at each
week; success follows due to the pride and self-confidence built up in the
behaviors that become habits.
Mental Toughness
There will
be temptation and distractions that are followed by failure unless there is commitment. Changing behaviors is not easy and it takes
the ability to identify the behavior that needs to change or start, create the
plan to do it, ignore the temptations, and follow through.
Character
We all need
to learn how to fail. I could say the
famous “fall down seven times and get up eight”, but really…who hasn’t heard
that and still done the opposite? I have
come to understand that getting up is great, but learning each time you fall is
the only way to keep from falling again.
Every little failure (missing that one homework out of 5 this week) is
an opportunity to recommit and grow.
When you fail at something you are given two choices; quit or carry
on. Think about all those resolutions
about weight loss that are made each year.
People eat better and exercise for a month, don’t hit the goal they set,
and instead of realizing the progress they have made quit the behaviors that
will help them realize long lasting success. It’s not that character counts rather,
character is the only thing that counts.
It is only strengthened through adversity, because improving ourselves
never gets easier; it’s just that we get stronger character.
In the end,
be purposeful. Focus on the small steps and stick to what you want by avoiding
temptation and facing adversity. Don’t think
about the end. Think about teach step
and as you accomplish it, count it as a victory. Long lasting success isn’t attained
with one fell swoop. It is reached through
incremental change over time.
