Present, Active, and Not Waiting

This message has a few additions to my normal message of Being Purposeful, Acting with Integrity, and Building Your Character. It came to me as I was thinking about the message I wanted to send to students today during an assembly. It was about expectations. Not just the expectations we as teachers and parents have for them, but those they have for themselves. In today's world of distractions it is becoming increasingly important for all of us to both model and stress the act of being present, active, and not waiting. In other words...

• Be present. Put the phone away, enjoy the moment for what it is rather than worrying about tomorrow or yesterday. Enjoy the time you have.

• Be active. You have to do more if you want to become more. Life is not about being static. It is about taking action and working with the consequences of that action. If you don't act; you will never have anything to move forward to and become stagnant. Mediocrity is another word for falling behind while remaining comfortable.

• Don't wait. Do not hesitate if you ever have an opportunity to do something special that you have never tried before. You never know how great you can be until you get there. Many great people have looked back only to scratch their head at the thought they could have ever gotten there in the first place.

Check out the video, give it a listen, and ask your students about the film today. After all;, in the end, it is about them and if they decide to be a better version of themselves. Warriors...you know this to be true. Now make your decision and surprise yourself with the results.

Thanks for reading, watching and considering following!

Social Media and Self Confidence

Whether it is me, a few more than normal occurrences at school, or national news that has drawn attention to this topic is not the issue in the end. The issue is just that...THE END of going back and forth. Social media is a fantastic tool, but like every tool can be wielded with poor judgement that ends up damaging surrounding things. Digital citizenship and in the event it is not present, self confidence and resilience are key.

I wrote a few blog posts that go more in depth about this topic. One was titled: Media That Isn't So Social? and the other was Online, Underground, and In the Air: Connect to Disconnect. While they are focused on some deeper issues the same line of thought applies. A strong foundation in digital citizenship and responsibility is what is needed in an age where anonymity allows an increased sense of bravery, uncaring, and/or treachery.

Please take the time to discuss this with students. There will be times in their lives when individuals say things (often on social media) that hurt their feelings or embarrass them, are lies, or just plain make them mad. Responding in kind is not the answer. It does nothing but fuel the flames and let the offender know they have hit their mark. Doing nothing doesn’t work either and isn’t a realistic expectation on the part of adults.  Instead we need to have students ask an adult for help.  They need to let someone know what is happening so it can stop.  People who bully or harass others will not stop until someone who has the ability or authority to make them does just that.  Report things early and they stop early.  Inaction leads to larger problems further down the road.

Be Purposeful: Know what you are doing, why you are doing it, and what the most likely outcome.

Act With Integrity: Seek to do the right thing. Interact with others in a respectful manner...always.

Build Your Character: Having someone slander or lie about you doesn't make it true or something to which you have to react. Be strong, know who you are, and be better for it.  

The Cost of Playing Up

How many times...

• have we underachieved because we didn’t take advantage of an opportunity?
• was it because we were afraid of failing?
• was it because we thought we couldn’t?  

How many times...have we kept our children from succeeding because we were trying to protect (make it easier) them so that they could?

The cost of reaching higher than we thought we could reach is small compared to the cost of staying safe which results in more painful assurances of staying put in long term mediocrity.

While I am always considering how to push my sons to take chances and explore in an attempt to be better than if they had not, the thoughts for this post came to me as I sat contemplating two recent events with them.

First, we were happy that he had fun on the ropes course and surprised at how easily he moved through the second of three levels.  Then he came and asked to go on the third course.  My youngest son is 7 years old and fancies himself somewhat of a spider man clone.  I informed him the rule was that the third level was restricted to kids 13 and older.  He asked again so I told him I would ask.  The guide hesitated and after asking how he did (very well was my answer) on the second level, informed me that he would let him.  The only restriction was that the guide would stay right near him in the event he fell...which he did...twice...as many of us looked on from about 40 feet below!

Second, the decision came quickly.  Yes, we had thought and spoke about it for over a month, but when the time came it seemed as if we still rushed in.  The only somewhat saving grace was that he had made the final decision himself; just like we had been teaching him.  My 9yr. old son was now playing football a level up with the older (by two grades), bigger kids. His other choice was to take it easy for a year and play later. We were concerned about the contact with more developed kids, but stood by as he got knocked down and struggled to keep up in the drills.

Often, as parents we do our best to help our children succeed and excel at what they do.  That is only natural.  The part we miss is that often greater success lies just behind greater risk and fear.  This is easy to verbalize, but a whole lot harder to watch.  Especially with our own children.  

In this day and age when we have changed the label of helicopter to snowplow (or lawnmower) parents it is easy to say that resilience (or lack thereof) comes from parents protecting their students too much. I believe it may be linked to something deeper. How many of us teach children mental toughness and character by explaining to them that life is not about drifting to the end, but purposefully moving from accomplishment to accomplishment? How many of us teach our kids to play up?

Playing up means playing above your perceived skill level and taking chances that you are better than you believe. Everything in life comes with a cost. Especially playing up. We are consistently (or should be) telling our students and children that every action has a consequence (or costs something). The issue is that we may not be explaining it effectively. Its really as simple as every action gets a reaction. Sometimes the actions we take have good consequences. Sometimes they don't. Either way...there is a cost.

Unfortunately for those who struggle with delayed gratification, good decisions are not as appealing as the bad ones and while they do not seem to cost a lot in the present; the cost is huge in the future. These individuals need to identify a purpose that will drive them to push through setbacks and obstacles until they accomplish what they are striving for.

An acronym to think about:

Character

You're going to run into failures. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to fall down.  The idea or path to success lies in the getting up.  You build your character in difficult times when you struggle.  There can be no learning without  the Ideas to build your character and get right backup

Opportunity

By playing up you create opportunities you never realized you would have. Remember the phrase “luck is when preparation meets opportunity.  The willingness to work through difficult times leads to easier moments we used to think impossible.

Success

No matter how a person measures success there is one thing that hold true; true success breeds success.  Once a person leaves their comfort zone, struggles, and succeeds, they realize that they never knew how far they could get until they got there.  If we teach students to be purposeful and persevere there is no limit to the amount of success they may achieve.

Teaching

Acting purposefully and building character are two very difficult things to accomplish for many people; much less children.  But there is nothing that is a better teacher than experience.  The issue is lasting through that experience.  Once a person has met and pushed through hardship, there is a moment that they realize that they are more capable, tougher, stronger, braver, and deserving of whatever they wish to become.  That is character saying yes when other say no.

By the way...my youngest son finished that third level and continued to talk about how proud he was because he didn't think he could do it. He just kept going and repeating; “Don't look down, you can do this.” until he made it a reality.  My oldest? He kept getting up until he began keeping up in drills and knocking 6th graders down. His answer when asked by former teammates and friends which level be liked better? “I like playing up because I have to work harder or I won't do good. I feel like I'm getting better” was his reply though a pride filled grin.

Easy for a parent? No

Needed for the kid? At times

More beneficial to learn resilience, be purposeful, and build character than being safe? ABSOLUTELY!

Step back a little.  Let them play up. They may just surprise you...

Set Expectations, Not Excuses and Success Will Come

This was a post that I put as a message in my weekly newsletter to students, staff, and parents.  As I reread it, I realized not only is it only a small part of a bigger topic/conversation, but a message for everyone no matter their path or position in life.

It is as follows:

Now that we have reached the end of the Third Term, I thought it may be helpful to point out something as the year is officially in the “last lap”.  Whether we have good grades, have met some goals, or failed at both; many of us can do better.  Unfortunately, often when we are faced with a failure or adversity it is easy to make an excuse as to why it cannot be done rather than shouldering some hardship and a lot of responsibility in an effort to get it done.  Additionally damaging is when we use the excuse that we either cannot do it or are not good at it because that’s “just the way it is.”  This is where expectations come into play.  I often think of a quote attributed to an unknown 6^th grader that said, “My teacher thought I was smarter than I was – so I was.”

Just recently an article was forwarded to me that illustrated the power of expectations.  It rehashed an old experiment known as the Rosenthal Experiment and how it relates to the Pygmalion effect.  I have included this short article for you to read here. You may have never heard of either of these two things, but a quick summary is that this study illustrates “the phenomenon that explains better performances by people when greater expectations are put on them.”  So how does this apply to the beginning of the end of the school year?

That is one thing I expect you already know.

If you need a higher grade to pass a class…set a goal and expect you can accomplish it.

If you are not doing well in a sport…expect to do better and get it done.

If there is anything you want to get or do better at…think you can and then do it.

This sounds great, but you need to remember nothing comes without work and sacrifice.  It is supposed to be uncomfortable.  That is the only way we know we are pushing ourselves hard enough to grow.  In the end, we are the only ones who really decide how successful we are and that is by expecting the best of ourselves and believing that we have the ability to achieve it.

True North

This post was something I had thought about at the beginning of this year, but left at the title because of other pursuits.  It caught my eye again and combined with some current circumstances seemed to be an appropriate time to revisit.  A few things had come to mind as the summer was winding down. I started thinking about the school year and all the new things the students and I would be experiencing, but the one that thing that had inspired this post had to do with discovery and its importance.

Most of you who read my blog know that I mostly post about character, perseverance, and learning.  This is in that vein, but from the perspective of not only our impact as educators, but also its importance. We have all heard it and even repeated Plutarch’s familiar phrase; “The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be ignited.”  I personally explain it with the following phrase. Teaching isn’t about acting on someone, but rather having them act for themselves.  I find this to be common sense if the true definition of understanding (according to Howard Gardner) is being able to take new knowledge and successfully apply it to an entirely different context. However, I want to take it a little farther. 

Everyone one of us has a key to our life.  Our “True North” if you will.  It consists of our core values, experiences, and lessons learned.  While it is not always clear to us, it exists and dictates your passion and happiness with life.  It has many names; purpose, meaning of life, destiny.  No matter what label, it is important to align your whole life with it to achieve your maximum ability to learn, potential, and satisfaction.  Personally, I spent most of my younger years trying to figure out what I wanted to do before realizing I want to help other people by passing on the understanding I had come to concerning the opportunities available through education and character.  My “True North” lay in the dissemination of mental toughness and the idea of learning through failure by taking what you have and making it something better. I have truly believed in the concept of over, under, around, or through my whole life, but like most, never recognized my current existence, experiences, or strengths as something to share.  I wasn't always ready for education. I was the first person in my family to go to college (because of what I accomplished on the football field). I was almost even better at twisting arms on the wrestling mat during those years.  In fact, I’ve made a habit out of doing things people told me could not be done because I believe that there are no impossibilities with passion, hard work, determination, and the ability and willingness to grow from my mistakes; get up from failures or in short…keep moving north.

To be great, effective educators we must help students with this aspect of their life.  There must be a blurring of the lines between the content we are teaching and their lives if we expect students to be engaged to a level at which they retain and understand the lessons throughout the day.  Fact is, everyone has a key to their life. Every student has a key to their learning and understanding.  As educators we must find their key by looking at what they have done in the past and meshing it with where they are at currently. If we truly want to unlock the potential growth in students we must discover what they aspire to and integrate it with how we approach them. This is essential because life is education.  Trying to separate students’ outside life from the material (and location in which) they are learning creates a disjointed experience that benefits no one.

I believe that very rarely does anyone really know where their true north lies from the outset.  This is because we all get temporarily blinded from time to time as we exist in those spaces of happiness and satisfaction that populate our days.  Unfortunately, these fleeting moments are not what help us fill our potential.  Our true potential will not be measured in these small increments, but rather from the lasting impact of our influence we have upon those others whose lives we pass through on our journey in the world.  Those of us in education must remember the words of Robert Frost when he said; “I am not a teacher but an awakener.” We must work with the students to help them begin the journey of discovery.

Education isn't about what happens to people, but what happens within people. How are you sparking that flame exciting that fire?  We need to stop doing to students in the classroom and begin letting them act.  Do not act upon them.  As E.M. Forester said; “Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon”

And really…in the long run, who truly cares about the shape of the spoon as long as it serves the purpose we need it for; to feed us.

March is the Month for Perseverance

Thinking about the past few weeks of students highlighted in the newsletter for receiving awards the theme for this month’s character initiative, and the long stretch that March is during the school year; I can’t help but focus on the importance of perseverance.

We should be proud of all those students who have taken a risk and stepped into an unknown experience because they wanted to and found success in the face of sacrifice and struggle, but we should also be incredibly proud of those students who do the same, fall short of accolades, and still continue to push forward.  Those students are harder to spot because they are often silent in their determination or feeling down because of their most recent failure.  I know we all say that you cannot learn without failing and that you need to fail before you can succeed…yeah…while that is true...it’s a little easier to say when you aren’t the one failing.

Speaking of failures and persevering through to success; check out this list of famous individuals who did just that!

What I’m saying to everyone is that if you:

·         are trying or even thinking of trying something to be a better version of you, do it

·         see someone working hard and struggling to continue, don’t distract, but support them.

Because in the end, we only find out how good we can be by pushing until we fail…and then doing it all over again to get a little farther.

We all need to support our students who are giving it their all and motivate those to achieve what they can…

Or as Kid President says in this video pep talk; "We were made to be awesome!" 

Now go out there and do what you were made for today.  Not tomorrow, but today...get started.

Doing the Right Thing: It's About Perspective

The high school I lead is always looking for ways to improve the climate so that students and staff alike have a positive, welcoming place to learn.  Creating such a place requires more effort on the part of those who are part of it than whatever group is creating initiatives.  Ideas don’t make change; action does.

We have entered the second half of the year now and with that comes added stress and a tendency to become increasingly hyper-focused on what we want to do and how every encounter we have impacts our world.   Instead, if we all want to have a more positive experience we have to adjust our focus.  Instead of it being on us, it needs to be on those around us.  Consider the following:

Integrity:  What we do when we know that nobody is watching.  Or in school terms…when we know we aren’t being graded or evaluated.

That phrase often adorns the walls of classrooms and is repeated by people who insist that character and integrity are the cornerstones of a positive climate and culture. What isn’t discussed is one of the concrete requirements of being able to exhibit and practice these qualities.  The willingness and ability to consider what others may be thinking or experiencing.  It sounds counter intuitive but it really isn’t. It’s more about changing your perspective. Want to improve your experience?  Think about those around you and begin by helping to improve theirs.

Check out this short video for an example.  I’m sure we can all find an example of ourselves within it…I know I did.

Give it a try and remember; Be Purposeful, Act With Integrity, and Build Your Character.

Take the Small Steps

There were quite a few reasons for this post, but it really hit me when I started discussing students and setting goals at the middle of the year.  We all set goals, but how many of us attain them? More importantly, how many students even understand how to go after their goal once it has been written down?   This post focuses (in short order for brevity’s sake) on that piece.  It is meant to shed some light on succeeding by not focusing on the end result, but instead the small behaviors that get us there. 

Consider the following statement.

Consistently taking the small common actions is what leads to uncommon, incredible results.

How many times have we heard this phrase, thought it made sense, and started to follow it only to stray from the consistent aspect, not achieve greatness, and then discount the saying?  There is only one way to realize success (in any area) at a level that will surprise even ourselves.  We must be purposeful and practice mental toughness and character.

We have all heard of the idea of setting goals and that they are essential to anyone’s success.  Unfortunately, that message is often not understood by many people due to the counter intuitiveness it takes to be successful at attaining those goals.  It essentially comes down to the following:  You achieve your goals by not focusing on them. Rather, you realize long-term success by focusing on the small incremental behaviors that move you toward your goal.

Wait…how do you achieve something by not focusing on it?  It has to do with character, mental toughness, and perspective.

Sooner or later, anyone who has tried to accomplish something in life realizes the most important aspect; control.  There are people who will tell you that you must take control of your life to be successful, while others quickly retort that too many things are out of your control so it is useless and success comes more from luck than control.  I assert it that the former is unrealistic and the latter is all about excuses.

If you set a goal and then try to control every part you will fail.  The true road to success is to focus on the smaller aspects that you actually have control over.  What I’m talking about are your behaviors.  I will keep the example to academics, but this system works for any area of your life.

Academics – We usually (unfortunately, too often) measure academic success by grades.  So we tell our students to set goals to address what grade they are receiving.  That’s good; however it’s more important to realize what part of that goal to focus on so that it is manageable, attainable, and long lasting.  There are many factors that go into grades (most people know this) that are not entirely in the student’s control.  So the idea that they will reach their goal is unlikely; resulting in another failure and the deep down belief that they will not be successful no matter what goal is set.  Instead, students should focus on the behaviors that they have complete control over; their own.  What behaviors typically produce good grades? They must:

·         Complete homework

·         Participate in class

·         Study on their own

·         Stay for extra help

These behaviors alone will not help unless they are done consistently and become habits.  If students focus on setting a schedule they will keep and then practice it consistently no matter what temptations (mental toughness) or hardships (character) get in the way, they will reap the benefits of the behaviors (better grades) without focusing on them.

Perspective

We become what we view as our reality.  Students (and adults) who set a vague goal often do so for one of two reasons.  First, they may not understand how to set goals.  Second (the darker side of this) is that a vague goal is easier to excuse if we fail.  Whenever someone approaches (or sets) a goal with the idea that they will probably fail anyway is going to want some wiggle room to make excuses. Hello vagueness.  If the focus is on small behaviors that we can check and succeed at each week; success follows due to the pride and self-confidence built up in the behaviors that become habits.

Mental Toughness

There will be temptation and distractions that are followed by failure unless there is commitment.  Changing behaviors is not easy and it takes the ability to identify the behavior that needs to change or start, create the plan to do it, ignore the temptations, and follow through.

Character

We all need to learn how to fail.  I could say the famous “fall down seven times and get up eight”, but really…who hasn’t heard that and still done the opposite?  I have come to understand that getting up is great, but learning each time you fall is the only way to keep from falling again.  Every little failure (missing that one homework out of 5 this week) is an opportunity to recommit and grow.  When you fail at something you are given two choices; quit or carry on.  Think about all those resolutions about weight loss that are made each year.  People eat better and exercise for a month, don’t hit the goal they set, and instead of realizing the progress they have made quit the behaviors that will help them realize long lasting success. It’s not that character counts rather, character is the only thing that counts.  It is only strengthened through adversity, because improving ourselves never gets easier; it’s just that we get stronger character.

In the end, be purposeful. Focus on the small steps and stick to what you want by avoiding temptation and facing adversity.  Don’t think about the end.  Think about teach step and as you accomplish it, count it as a victory. Long lasting success isn’t attained with one fell swoop.  It is reached through incremental change over time. 

Work Now; Succeed Later

The impetus for this post comes from my oldest son (again) and his current fascination and drive to play football.  I wrote it a while ago, but never published it.  As his football season is progressing and he (#93) was selected to do the coin toss the other night, another story with him made me go back and reconsider, but that is for another time.  The original writing of it follows…

He has been running for the 4 weeks leading up to summer camp.  I would be dishonest if I did not say that some days were much harder than others and required a lot of motivation (and patience) on my part.  He is after all eight and constantly bombarded by the instant gratification (contrary to me and my wife’s constant battle in the opposite direction) around him.

How often in today’s society, especially education do we not only notice, but encourage the notion of instant gratification.  Kids expect their grades to be instantly raised if they do some homework; parents rush to lessen consequences for a discipline issue or bad grade.  Many times students are rewarded for mediocre performance because “we don’t want them to feel bad or left out”.

They give out performance trophies after each day in camp.  These are not the attendance type trophies so wonderfully stood up against by James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers.  It is announced at the beginning that they are for superior performance and that they hope to give it to the same players every day if it’s deserved.  I cannot explain how bad my son wants one.  I waited for the fallout when his name was passed over every day and then at the end when they gave the overall trophies.  We walked to the car in relative silence.  After removing his pads and getting in, my son looked at me and said; “I was really close today daddy.  Maybe if I keep working I will get one next year.”  I stared at this little boy trying so hard to be older (wait; grown up) than he is and while suppressing any sadness I had for him having come up short, began to smile at something much more valuable.  He was beginning to understand the value and long term success of hard work. In education the popular tag for this right now is “failing forward.” As more conversation occurred, it became clear that he had somewhat of an idea of where he fell short and what he has to do to get better next year.  Consider that life lesson learned; or at least well on his way to learning it.

Working hard to achieve a goal often isn’t a short term endeavor. Rather, it is a drawn out process that when successful, is a greater accomplishment than originally planned.  Would I have liked him to receive a trophy because I personally know how hard he has worked? Absolutely, but it makes me 100 times more satisfied; no proud, to see that he is beginning to understand the value of hard work for the sake of personal gain further down the road.

While I continue to learn from my sons on a daily basis, I continually look for ways to help them and other students realize that success in life has little to do with luck, being in the right place at the right time, or something that someone else can give you.  Rather, it comes from perseverance, hard work, and determination.  If you do not encounter obstacles on your journey with which you must struggle, you are not growing to your potential.  Any sports, academic, or military program only reaches a level of success equal to the toughest obstacle they needed to overcome.  If the willingness to push forward is never tested or even worse; absent, we will never withstand true resistance when it is most needed. Success comes from the ability to get to the other side of adversity…even when you don’t get a trophy for getting there.

Leave a Legacy

The inspiration for this post came as I sat to write my annual first day back thank you letter to my teaching staff.  I tend to be wordy about most things, but cannot seem to ever express that gratitude I have for teachers and the difficult often thankless work they do each day.

I have included an introductory piece, the video I emailed them and the thank you note in its entirety.  The three together may be long, but are needed to get the full picture.

You are many things to all, but all things to many.  You have chosen a path in life that is hard.  You will struggle because at one time or another all of your students will struggle with not just the content or the rules, but with themselves as they grow beyond their expectations.

There will be days and years where everyone knows better than you, but that isn’t what matters because you do better.  No matter how great the struggles, it is in those quiet reflective moments that you realize you are making a difference in this world.  When you have left this profession, it is you who will have bestowed upon the collective society a gift greater than any other; educated minds with an understanding that they as individuals can succeed no matter the obstacles they face.  

The legacy you will leave is that you helped children aim high even if they missed because that is better than helping them aim low and hit.  That is the legacy of a teacher.  That will be your legacy.

THANK YOU

I know you have so much more to do before the students come in your door.  There will always be one more chair to move, lesson to tweak, and activator to plan.  So please take a second either when the dust settles or you need a break to reflect on why you are so deserving of this note.

Thank you for:

·        Getting up early and staying up late just so you can be prepared after adjusting your lessons to meet the needs of the students.

·        Working weekends correcting and making more of those plans that you will need to change later during the week.

·        Providing and taking advice even when you don’t want to.

·        Making these sacrifices day after day and week after week, because you do have families and lives to live.

Thank you for:

·        Inspiring students to do more and be more by believing in them and making them believe in themselves.

·        Shaping the future generations by contributing to the greater good of society.

·        Being that person who has the chance to fill many of the gaps and crevices that appear in every child’s life at one point or another.

·        Being the heart of the school.

Finally, thank you for: Settling for the idea that YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE even though you rarely get to see it because you have, you do, and you will continue to do so by being you.

Have a great  year!

We are Seekonk and We are Warriors!

When Resilience Runs Its Course

The impetus for this blog was an experience I just had with my youngest son at Cub Scout camp. It was a poignant lesson for me in the importance of reflection when we talk about resilience.  The whole grit movement is great. Finally something I heartily believe in, but was never able to quite articulate has been receiving its proper credit.  Additionally, I firmly believe grit, mental toughness, character, resilience, or whatever you label those qualities that allow us to succeed in the face difficulty because they are what have helped me succeed.  So naturally, I impart these lessons to my sons.  This is where this post begins.

Background

One of the activities they do is a BMX bike ride on a dirt path.  There are few rules with the exception of take turns so that all get some time on the bikes.  The kids grab any bike they can get on and any helmet that fits.  There are some hills, turns, and shortcuts as the boys get a taste of that freedom born from controlling the bike along the path. My son has just started riding his bike at home.  He is six and sticks to the relatively flat pavement on his own Ninja Turtles bike.  It’s a little different than this experience.  Nevertheless he grabbed a bike and asked me to push so he could jump on and start peddling.  I felt proud as he raced down the first stretch.  My job was to go to the far turn to offer any help for the kids. I had just arrived when I saw Scott come around the corner and crash his bike.  He had started to go off the road and overcorrected; causing the handlebars to turn completely sideways.  The end result was the bike tipping forward to land on Scott. He has crashed his bike before and gotten right back up, so I was not very worried.  Then the other four bikes came around the corner and ran into and over Scott and his bike. I helped all those involved back to their bikes and the riding continued; including Scott who was in need of some Band-Aids when he decided to stop.

Resilience

This scene (minus the running over) replayed itself a total of 12 times by the end of Scott’s turn!  I wish I could say I didn’t cringe each time it happened, but knew it was my duty as his parent to pick him up, brush him off, and tell him to get back on the bike.  In all honesty, the last four times I asked him if he still wanted to get back on the bike.  I tried to figure out what the problem was, but all I could see was the overcorrection leading to a crash.  At about the sixth crash, Scott looked up at me with tears streaming down his dirt caked face and kept repeating, “Daddy, I’m not doing anything wrong and I keep crashing. It’s not fair.”  My reply was that he must be doing something, but we just don’t know what it is so we had to figure it out. After his last crash, knowing time was almost up (and my heart breaking just a little), I asked Scott if he just wanted to call it a day and walk the bike back.  This time his answer was different. He wiped the tears away and said, “I got it. The wheel turns too easy and too far.” Looking at him and thinking of how proud I was because of his resilience I replied; “You fell a lot.  You got one more try in you?”  He looked at me and said; “I got it Daddy. I got it. Can you give me a push?” I watched him as his back left my hand and he took on the small hills. I watched him as he rode all the way to the end of the course, got of his bike, did a fist pump, and gave me a “thumbs up” with a big, dirty smile.

Take Away

I learned a big lesson that day courtesy of my son.  How often can we as adults ask children to keep getting up if there is no solution to their struggle?  Should they keep getting up? Absolutely!  But, how often can they continue to follow that age old saying that is indicative of success; fall down seven times, get up eight.  Our children are constantly surrounded by a society that offers instant gratification by ensuring the easy road is always open.  Couple that with a growing sense of moral relativism and we are crippling our children by not teaching them to endure hardship not for the sake of enduring, rather for the sake of learning a better way.  Endurance or resilience is only as good as the education or reflection that allows a person to learn ffrom the experience.  Every one of us can only be resilient for so long before breaking.  The trick is to reflect on the problem and adjust our approach before that moment arises because once a person has quit they very rarely have any meaningful reflection.  It becomes excuses for failure rather than ways to succeed the next time.

As the adults and educators it is our duty to stress that reflection piece.  That comes in letting our children and students experience failure as long as we continue to guide them through the process.  That is not to say we should take the sting out of the failure, but instead encourage children to keep pushing through as they question what is occurring and how to make it better.  Trust me, I wanted to make it better for my son as he struggled.  I even caved after the last crash, but in the end it was my son who taught me.  Next time, maybe I will help him continue his struggle and focus more on the reflection.  It is hard when we are personally attached to the situation, but as we all know; resilience is key and a major indicator of long-term success no matter the odds.

It Comes Down To This

As they grow older, I want my sons, when confronted with the question; “Why do you always take the harder of two roads?” to answer; “Why do you always assume I see two roads?” If we really want to teach resilience we need to confront the urge to take the path of least resistance.  That is only done by focusing on the bigger picture; being purposeful, acting with integrity, and building character.

Another Year Has Passed

This was originally a post on Facebook and Google+, but multiple people have urged me to put it on my blog.  This worked for me because a short post such as this is better than no post because I have been so busy closing out this year.

So in line with less typing, more posting...

To all those educators out there...Thank you for everything you do. Another school year has passed and you have affected so many students. The hours you put in planning, correcting, guiding, modeling, and teaching so much more than just curriculum pays in ways you can only hope to see later down the road in life.

Your "job" is exhausting because it is so important. Educators are the most important members of any society. They are the ones who impart valuable knowledge and skills, offer a stable environment for students who have nowhere else, and help students believe in themselves.

Educators not only light the fire within students, but fan the flame and care for it so that it may continue to grow as time passes. Educators literally hold the future of individual human beings in their hands. They have the power to build confidence or destroy it; instill curiosity or downplay it; and continue a love for learning or extinguish that flame.

I have met the spectrum of educators, but have been blessed enough to know and realize that almost all of them care so much that they work extremely hard to instill the passion of education into the lives of children so that it is inscribed in their hearts forever. They often do this at the expense of their own health and loved ones because they realize the enormity of their task and relish in the successful application of their practice. Your influence is enormous and rings through the generations.

This video brought it home for me; made it concrete.  Please take the time to listen to the words. Every one of us has that child inside; the one who is anxious to learn, experience, and grow.  But that child needs the guidance of someone to explain that everything is going to be alright.  Educators are those people.

Continue to find that child in every student you lead. Continue to influence future generations.  Continue to do what you do best…teach.

Thank you for another year.